Having An Affair
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her
husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and
buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her
husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun
and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed,
begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The
other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years
later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished
she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But
they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''
A Man Pulls Into a Gas Station in his Porsche, and a kid on
a tricycle starts riding around him.
"Wanna race?" asks the kid.
"No thanks," laughs the guy and drives off.
When he gets on the highway, the kid suddenly zooms past
him. "Wow!" the guy says and floors it. He catches up and
the kid disappears behind him. A minute later the kid flies
past again. Astonished, the guy pulls over, only to see the
kid come zooming backward, then forward again, until finally
he comes to a stop next to the car.
The man opens the door to find the kid on his tricycle,
wheels smoking. The kid pants, "Thanks for stopping mister.
My suspenders got caught in your door."
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After
the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I
really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why
they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded,
her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a
coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game,
all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their
wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked
the one. "Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's
more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see, kinky,
huh?" "Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls
over and plays dead."
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
Q: Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of
A: He decided to stick it out for one more year.
Q: How did the hillbilly find his sister in the
A: Pretty hot
Q: What did the two iPhones say to the two iPads?
A: "Want to get kinky and have a 4G?"
Q: What do girls and rocks have in common?
A: Everyone skips the flat ones.